I Feel Sorry For People Who Don't

If You Can See The Handwriting On The Wall... You're On The Toilet.

What's The Difference Between A Pickpocket And A Peeping Tom? A Pickpocket Snatches Watches.

I Feel Sorry For People Who Don't Drink Or Do Drugs. Because Someday They're Going To Be In A Hospital Bed, Dying, And They Won't Know Why.

I'm A Sagittarian, See, I Can't Be Fenced In. I Been Living In Las Vegas, Greatest City In The World. I Look Out My Window For 100 Miles. In Vegas, There's Nothing To Do But Gamble, Drink Or Have Sex. I Have Two Of 'em.

A Girl's Legs Are Her Best Friends...but Even The Best Of Friends Must Part.