I Feel Like If I'm Going To

On My Last-place Finish In The 50-yard Dash During Little League Tryouts “it Kinda Looked Like You Were Being Attacked By A Bunch Of Bees Or Something. Then When I Saw The Fat Kid With The Watch Who Was Timing You Start Laughing…. Well, I’ll Just Say It’s Never A Good Sign When A Fat Kid Laughs At You.

Why Would You Throw A Ball In Someone's Face?...huh. That's A Pretty Good Reason. Well, I Can't Do Much About Your Teacher Being Pissed, But Me And You Are Good.

I Feel Like If I'm Going To Give You A Book About My Dad, Then I Really Want To Give You My Dad, Because He Is Interesting And He Is Funny And If You're Buying A Book About Him, I Don't Want You To Have To Sit Through Stuff That's Not Him.

There Is No Definitive Guidebook On How To Pick The Right Partner, And Even If There Were, I'm Way Too Dumb To Write It.

On Furnishing One's Home - Pick Your Furniture Like You Pick A Wife; It Should Make You Feel Comfortable And Look Nice, But Not So Nice That If Someone Walks Past It They Want To Steal It.