If It's Not Bourbon Or Sweatpants, It's

You Worry Too Much. Eat Some Bacon...what? No, I Got No Idea If It'll Make You Feel Better, I Just Made Too Much Bacon.

I Just Want Silence... Jesus, It Doesn't Mean I Don't Like You. It Just Means Right Now, I Like Silence More.

Writing A Book Is Incredibly Pleasurable, But Very Solitary. You Have Total Control, But Sometimes That Can Drive You Insane.

The Baby Will Talk When He Talks, Relax. It Ain't Like He Knows The Cure For Cancer And Just Ain't Spitting It Out.

Before I Proposed To My Now-wife, I Was Understandably Nervous. My Father Suggested That I Take Stock Of All Of My Experiences And Relationships With Women, From My Earliest Memories To Present Day, And See If I Had Learned Anything That Might Inform My Decision.