I Drink Therefore I Am.

I Once Spent A Year In Philadelphia, I Think It Was On A Sunday.

I'd Rather Have Two Girls At 21 Each Than One Girl At 42.

It's Quite True I'm Not Drinking Anymore; However, I'm Not Drinking Any Less Either.

There's No Such Thing As A Tough Child - If You Parboil Them First For Seven Hours, They Always Come Out Tender.

W. C. Fields, A Lifetime Agnostic, Was Discovered Reading A Bible On His Deathbed. ''i'm Looking For A Loop-hole,'' He Explained.