I Don't Watch Reality Tv.

I Feel Like Soundtrack Music Is Almost Like Seeing The Movie Again, But With My Ears.

I Watch The Discovery Channel, And You Know What I've Discovered? I Need A Girlfriend.

There's A Fine Line Between Masturbating While You Look Out A Window, And Masturbating While You're Looking In A Window. I'll Give You A Hint: One Of 'em Is Super Illegal.

Everything You Do, Burns Calories. Getting Up In The Morning, 100 Calories; Kicking The Hooker Out Of Your Bed, Another 100; Diapering Your Monkey, 35 Calories; Laughing At A Midget, Fun And 10 Calories; Catching Your Girlfriend With Another Guy, 2000-3000 Calories, Depending On Backswings.

When I First Saw A Strap On, I Put It On My Head And Ran Around Like A Rhino.