I Don't Mind A Crowd's Not Laughing;

This One Guy, The Worst Guy In The Music. The Yanni Man. You Know Yanni? First Of All, Anyone Who Looks Like A Magician And Doesn't Do Magic, I Don't Like. I Don't Even Like Magic, I Hate It. But I Love The Word, "ta-da"! I Love That Word! I Don't Get To Say It, Right? I Never Do Any Magic. You Just Can't Go Around Walking, "ta-da!" "ta-da!" "ta-da!" The Only Time I Can Say It Is When I Do Something Really Stupid Or Surprising. Like If I Go Out All Night Drinking And Hitting Strip Clubs And I Come Home And I Still Got Some Money... "ta-da!" I Thought I Was Broke. Why Does My Jaw Hurt?

I Don't Mind A Crowd's Not Laughing; It's The Groans That Slow Down The Show.

I Tell You One Thing That's Great About Children. They Don't Need A Show To Have Fun. What Do They Need? A Book Of Matches, Some Oily Rags, A Little Brother... That's All They Need.

When I Was A Kid, I Really Loved Indians. Native Americans. Pardon. Me.

I Like Doing Stand-up And I Love Putting Out Tv Specials. I'm Not An Actor Though, So I Don't Really Have Much Choice In The Matter.