I Don't Want To Deconstruct What I

The Best Time To Have A Baby Is When You're A Black Teenager.

She, Uh, Came Out Of The Closet Recently, My Niece. Um... She Announced To The Family That She's A Lesbian And... She's Seven, Did I Mention That? And, Uh, I Don't Even Know If She Knows What A Lesbian Is, But I Support Her Completely. And, Uh... I'll Tell You What's Heartbreaking. My Sister Punished Her For It. Can You Believe That? No Pussy For A Week. Which To Us May Not Sound Like... But When You're Seven, You Know, A Week Is A Long Time.

When I Was 17, I Read A Profile Of Carol Leifer. Since Then, I Wanted To Be Her. I Still Want To Be Her.

It's Just Hard To Say, "well, I Do This, Which Means This." If I'm Telling You Exactly Who I Am, Then There's Nothing For The Audience To Say.

When I Was Three, My Dad Thought It Would Be Hilarious To Teach Me Swear Words, Then Have Me Say Them To His Friends. They Would Laugh And Laugh. I Realize Now The Laugh Was Pure Shock Value, But It Felt Really Good, And I've Been Chasing It Ever Since.