I Don't Laugh Out Loud At Comics

You Can Easily Tell If A Person Is Lying And Cheating On You If They Say, I Love You. I Would Never Lie To You Or Cheat On You.

Listening To Evanescence Makes Me Want To Break Up With A Girl In Real Time As A Giant Antique Hourglass Falls To The Floor In Slow Motion.

You Know Your Gut Instincts Are Spot On About A Person When You Can Also Detect A Water Source In The Soil Beneath Them.

I Was Doing Comedy In Laundry Mats In 1992, Literally Where I Would Bring A Little Gorilla Amp And A Lapel Mike And Just Start Performing.

Dear Semi Hot Girl Taking Photos On A Boat. It's Not Your Boat So Stop Acting Like You Own It. You Drive A Used Civic.