I Don't Have To Kill Myself, Time

I Got Into Stand Up Just To Do Stand Up Because I Love Stand Up.

Jumping Jacks Are Easier To Do Than Crawling Jacks.

I Like "rock, Paper, Scissors Two-thirds." You Know. "rock Breaks Scissors." "these Scissors Are Bent. They're Destroyed. I Can't Cut Stuff. So I Lose." "scissors Cuts Paper." "these Are Strips. This Is Not Even Paper. It's Gonna Take Me Forever To Put This Back Together." "paper Covers Rock." "rock Is Fine. No Structural Damage To Rock. Rock Can Break Through Paper At Any Point. Just Say The Word. Paper Sucks." There Should Be "rock, Dynamite With A Cutable Wick, Scissors."

Our Times, A Brief History: As Televisions Became Flatter, People Became Rounder.

I Need To Develop Some Patience - Immediately.