I Don't Have To Kill Myself, Time

My Friend Asked Me I Ever Swam With Dolphins. I Was Like, 'yeah, Of Course. What Distance Are We Talking About From The Dolphins? Because The Last Time I Was In The Ocean, I'm Pretty Sure I Swam With Most Of Them.'

The Sofa Is The Enemy Of Productivity.

I Think They Named The Orange Before The Carrot.

Turtles Are Greater Than Baby Nephews, Because It's Ok To Drop A Turtle.

A Pipe Is Greater Than A Bong. Because When You're Smoking A Pipe At Least It Makes You Look Like You're Thinking About Something.