I Used To Play Sports. Then I

How To Be A Bouncer: Be An Asshole; Stand Near A Door.

I Was Making Pancakes The Other Day And A Fly Flew Into The Kitchen. And That's When I Realized That A Spatula Is A Lot Like A Fly-swatter. And A Crushed Fly Is A Lot Like A Blueberry. And A Roommate Is A Lot Like A Fly Eater.

Your Mind Is Like A Sponge, In The Sense That It Would Come In Handy When Cleaning Off A Countertop Or Something Like That.

Glitter Is The Herpes Of Craft Supplies.

Don't Talk To Strangers. Sure, Unless You Want To Meet Anyone Ever.