I Do Realise That When I Laugh,

As Soon As I Did My First Five Minutes Of Stand-up I Knew That I Would Rather Be A Failure At Comedy Than A Success In Marketing.

I'm Not Being Condescending, I'm Too Busy Thinking About Far More Important Things You Wouldn't Understand.

I'm Obsessed With Tv. How Wrong Our Parents Were When They Said We Should Only Watch An Hour A Day. Stop Wasting Your Time Reading Books.

I Saw That Show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I Would Have Thought The Obvious One Was 'shout For Help'.

Once I Was Doing A Sponsored Walk. In The End I Managed To Raise So Much Money, I Could Afford A Taxi.