I’d Like To See A Forklift Lift

I Tried To Have A Cookie, And This Girl Said, "i'm Mailing Those Cookies To My Friend." So I Couldn't Have One. You Shouldn't Make Cookies Untouchable.

I Don't Wear A Watch Because I Want My Arms To Weigh The Same.

I Went To The Home Depot, Which Was Unnecessary. I Need To Go To The Apartment Depot. Which Is Just A Big Warehouse With A Whole Lot Of People Standing Around Saying "we Don't Have To Fix Anything."

I Spilled Some Vodka On The Carpet, And I Vacuumed It Up, And The Vacuum Got Drunk. I Had To Take The Hoover To Detox.

The Next Time I Move I Hope I Get A Real Easy Phone Number, Something Like 2222222. People Will Ask, "mitch, How Do I Get A Hold Of You?" I'll Say, "just Press Two For A While, When I Answer, You'll Know That You've Pressed Two Enough."