I Contemplated Suicide. My Main Concern Was

Whether It's The Best Of Times Or The Worst Of Times, It's The Only Time We've Got.

I Don't Know What's Coming Next And Neither Does Anyone Else. It's Something That We Do Have To Face But The Thing Is That A Lot Of People Don't Want To Face It. And There's Denial. If Somebody Says It, Like Me, Everybody Feels A Little Better That They Can Discuss It.

The Reason I Don't Play Golf Is Because I Was A Caddie When I Was 13. Women Never Gave Up A Golf Ball That Was Lost Somewhere In The Trees And Thicket And Down Through The Poison Ivy. It Was During One Of These Searches That I Vowed To The Lord Above That If I Ever Earned Enough Money I Would Never Set Foot On A Course Again.

This Is Not An Easy Time For Humorists Because The Government Is Far Funnier Than We Are.

The Powder Is Mixed With Water And Tastes Exactly Like Powder Mixed With Water.