If You're Hung Up On Nostalgia, Pretend

I Contemplated Suicide. My Main Concern Was That I Would Not Make The New York Times Obituary Page.

The Best Things In Life Aren't Things.

The Reason I Don't Play Golf Is Because I Was A Caddie When I Was 13. Women Never Gave Up A Golf Ball That Was Lost Somewhere In The Trees And Thicket And Down Through The Poison Ivy. It Was During One Of These Searches That I Vowed To The Lord Above That If I Ever Earned Enough Money I Would Never Set Foot On A Course Again.

Any Company Executive Who Overcharges The Government More Than $5 Million Will Be Fined $50 Or Have To Go To Traffic School Three Nights A Week

An Economist Is A Man Who Knows A Hundred Ways Of Making Love But Doesn't Know Any Women.