I Can't Get No Respect.

In High School, When I Played Football I Got No Respect. I Shared A Locker With A Mop.

Sure I Smoked Pot In Hospital. My Wife Won't Let Me Toke At Home.

I Like Southern Girls. They Talk So Slow That By The Time They Say No, I Made It Already.

A Sense Of Humor Is Rare. It Isn't Telling A Joke About How There Are Three Ways To Get To Heaven. It's Being In A Restaurant And Hearing Someone Say, Everyone's Got Their Tale Of Woe, And Then Turning Around And Saying, Unfortunately, In Life, There's More Woe Than Tail.

One Night She Told Me To Put Out The Garbage. I Told Her "you Cooked It, You Take It Out".