I Can't Get No Respect.

One Day As I Came Home Early, I Saw A Man Jogging Naked. I Said To The Guy, 'hey, Buddy, Why Are You Doing That?' He Said, 'because You Came Home Early.'

I Was A Poster Child... For Birth Control!

I Tell Ya When I Fly, I Don't Get No Respect. I Took One Of Those Cheap Flights, No Frills. I Finished Eatin' And Had To Do The Dishes.

When My Parents Got Divorced, There Was A Custody Fight Over Me. ... And No One Showed Up.

I Drink Too Much. The Last Time I Gave A Urine Sample It Had An Olive In It.