I Can't Get Married. I Can't Fake

You Know You're Getting Fat When You Step On The Dog's Tail And He Dies.

Have You Noticed That If You Leave The Laundry In The Hamper Long Enough, It's Ready To Wear Again?

You Know You Are In Love When You Are Willing To Share Your Cash-machine Number.

I Can Tell By Your Eye Shadow, You're From Brooklyn, Right? . . . Me Too. My Mother Has Plastic Covers On All The Furniture. Even The Poodle. Looked Like A Barking Hassock Walking Down The Street.

When I Was Growing Up In Comedy, There Were Maybe 10 Comics In The Whole Country. Everyone Had A Day Job. You Worked Free For Years In Little Clubs, Then You Got Your Big Break And Became A Star.