I Cannot Tell A Joke. But I

Smartphones. Who Cares? Smartphones. I Only Have Dummy Phones.

Once In A While, When I'm Alone, I Think About My Age. I Think, How Many More Years Do I Have On This Earth? But I Can't Really Conceive Of Dying. Somehow, In My Head, I Don't Think I'll Die. I Know That Everybody Dies, Of Course. I Just Think That It'll Never Come To Me. It's Crazy, But There It Is.

I've Got An Accountant Who's Been With Me Forty Years. If He Makes A Mistake, He Dies.

When Someone Says To Me, Do You Do Stand-up I Say Absolutely Not. I Like To Think Of It As A Theatrical Performance. With Me The Show Changes Maybe Five To Ten Percent Every Night. Of Course, Whatever I See In Front Of Me And Sometimes I Get On A Little Run About It And It Changes The Show. And My Delivery Is Such That People Who Have Seen Me Many Times Say Gee, I Never Heard That Before. Actually, They Have, But I Might Have Changed It Around.

An Insult Comic Is The Title I Was Given. What I Do Is Exaggeration. I Make Fun Of People, At Life, Of Myself And My Surroundings.