I Can Move Objects With My Mind,

But Long Story Short, I Didn't Start Doing Stand-up Because I Wanted To Have A Tv Show Or Be An Actor Or Even Wanted To Write Sketch Comedy. I Got Into Stand-up Because I Love Stand-up.

Jumping Jacks Are Easier To Do Than Crawling Jacks.

The Sofa Is The Enemy Of Productivity.

There Are Two Kinds Of Jackets - Reversible, And Reversible But It's Hard To Zipper Up And It Looks Really Stupid.

You Are Ten Times More Likely To Get Hit By A Car When The Driver Is Aiming For You.