I Believe In Tying The Marriage Knot,

Never Try To Impress A Woman, Because If You Do She'll Expect You To Keep Up The Standard For The Rest Of Your Life.

Somebody's Been Putting Pineapple Juice In My Pineapple Juice!

My Daughter Wants To Throw A Stone At A Bad Man. I Stop Her From Throwing, Shaking My Head And Giving Her A Little Slap. My Disapproval Is Complete. You Think: 'that's Right, She Shouldn't Throw A Stone Even At A Villain.' Then I Hand Her A Brick To Throw.

It's What You Do That Counts And Not What You Say; Therefore I Fired My Press Agent.

Comedy Is Merely Tragedy Happening To Someone Else.