I Always Plan Dinner First Thing In

When I Was In The Hospital They Gave Me Apple Juice Every Morning, Even After I Told Them I Didn't Like It. I Had To Get Even. One Morning, I Poured The Apple Juice Into The Specimen Tube. The Nurse Held It Up And Said, 'it's A Little Cloudy.' I Took The Tube From Her And Said, 'let Me Run It Through Again,' And Drank It. The Nurse Fainted.

You Know You Are Getting Old When People Tell You How Good You Look.

Modesty Is Not One Of My Virtues.

Comedy Is A Reflection. We Create Nothing. We Set No Styles, No Standards. We're Reflections. It's A Distorted Mirror In The Fun House. We Watch Society. As Society Behaves, Then We Have The Ability To Make Fun Of It.

There's A Charm, There's A Rhythm, There's A Soul To Jewish Humor. When I First Saw Richard Pryor Perform, I Told Him, 'you're Doing A Jewish Act.'