I Always Plan Dinner First Thing In

When I Get Up In The Morning, I Have To Decide What I'm Going To Have For Dinner Or I Can't Get Through The Day.

The Other Day My House Caught Fire. My Lawyer Said, "shouldn't Be A Problem. What Kind Of Coverage Do You Have?" I Said, "fire And Theft." The Lawyer Frowned. "uh Oh. Wrong Kind. Should Be Fire Or Theft."

My Son Says I Never Tell Stories About Anyone Who's Living.

Comedy Is An Amazing Calling. Once You Get That First Laugh, It's Hard To Turn Away. Then, Of Course, You're Hooked And You Have To Learn How To Survive In The Business.

A Summary Of Every Jewish Holiday: They Tried To Kill Us, We Won, Let's Eat!