My Son Says I Never Tell Stories

And Humor Has Always Been A Weapon. You Want To Get Even On Somebody? You Want To Attack Somebody? Make Fun Of Them.

Comedy Is A Reflection. We Create Nothing. We Set No Styles, No Standards. We're Reflections. It's A Distorted Mirror In The Fun House. We Watch Society. As Society Behaves, Then We Have The Ability To Make Fun Of It.

One Thing I've Never Said In My Whole Life Is, 'let's Have Dinner At A Japanese Restaurant.'

The World Is Full Of Little Dictators Trying To Run Your Life.

Milton Took Vaudeville, Which, If You Look Up 'vaudeville' In The Dictionary, Right Alongside Of It, It Says 'milton Berle' - And He Made It Just A Tremendous Party.