How Long Was I In The Army?

If I Don't Eat Soon, I'll Die Of Hunger; And If I Die, I Won't Eat Soon.

Policemen Are Numbered In Case They Get Lost.

And God Said, 'let There Be Light' And There Was Light, But The Electricity Board Said He Would Have To Wait Until Thursday To Be Connected.

Life Is A Long Agonized Illness Only Curable By Death.

Is There Anything Worn Under The Kilt? No, It's All In Perfect Working Order.