How About Those People Who Don't Need

The Idea Of Being A Practicing Catholic, It's - For Me, It's Like - I Need A Lot Of Practice, You Know What I Mean?

You Ever Read A Book That Changed Your Life? Me Neither.

For Me, It's Always A Little Sad Getting Out Of Bed. Every Morning After I Get Up, I Always Gaze Longingly At My Bed And Lament, 'you Were Wonderful Last Night. I Didn't Want It To End. I Can't Wait To See You Again.

I Initially Signed Up For Twitter Just To Do Jokes I Wasn't Going To Do In My Stand-up Routine.

Thanksgiving, You Know - Thanksgiving - It's Like We Didn't Even Try To Come Up With A Tradition. The Tradition Is We Overeat.