Hillary Clinton Has Finished Writing Her Book

With Iraq Plunging Into Chaos And Gas Prices At Record Highs President Bush Took Time Out This Weekend For A Ride On His Bicycle, But Unfortunately He Fell Off And Sustained Cuts To His Face And Hands. Apparently Bush Was Distracted By The Enormous Responsibilities Of The Presidency. I'm Just Kidding. He Hit Some Gravel Or Something.

Bush Said The Unemployment Situation Is Turning Around. Last Week Alone, 5,000 People Started Working For John Kerry.

The Election Is In Full-swing. Republicans Have Taken Out Round-the-clock Ads Promoting George Bush. Don't We Already Have That? It's Called Fox News.

John Kerry Will Undergo Surgery To Repair His Right Shoulder. He Originally Hurt It When He Suddenly Switched Positions On Iraq.

President Bush Is Trying To Put A Positive Spin On The Latest Bad Economic Numbers. Today He Declared Victory In The 'war On Jobs.'