Hi, I'm Bill. I'm A Birth Survivor.

If The Nra Keeps Messing With The President's Daughters, They're Going To Have To Start Worrying About Michelle Obama's Guns.

I'm More Likely To Not Invite Someone Back For Not Talking. If Someone Talks A Lot, I Can Usually Shut Them Up And Control Them. But With People Who Don't Talk, If They Don't Really Want To Talk, They Probably Shouldn't Be On This Show, And That's Fine. They're Talented People With Things To Say, But Sometimes People Say What They Have To Say Through Other Means Than Arguing.

Religion, To Me, Is A Bureaucracy Between Man And God That I Don't Need.

Iraq Now Says That It Will, After All, Destroy Its Missiles. President Bush Said, 'please, I Used To Pull The Same Trick. There'd Be An Intervention, I'd Make A Big Show Of Pouring Out The Liquor And Then There Was A Case Under The Floorboards.'

I Always Wanted To Be A Comedian, Even When I Was A Little Kid. I Had A Funny Father Who Was In The News Business, By The Way. He Was A Radio News Guy. So The News Was Always In My House, And Funny Was Always In My House. It Was Sort Of Just Baked Into The Dna That I Would Do This For A Living, But I Can Remember Being Less Than 10 Years Old And Dreaming About Being A Comedian.