Have You Ever Had Sex With A

My Favourite Riposte To A Heckle Is To Say, 'excuse Me, I'm Trying To Work Here. How Would You Like It If I Stood Yelling Down The Alley While You're Giving Blow Jobs To Transsexuals?'

When I Wake Up On A Monday Morning And I Realise I Don't Have To Go And Work At The Civil Service, I Really Think I've Won.

I Have Never Sold My Story, Done Hello! Magazine, Any Of That Stuff. I'm Not Guilty Of Exploiting My Private Life For Cash And Then Saying, 'oh, I Don't Want To Talk About My Private Life.' I've Never Crossed That Line.

If You Stay In A House And You Go To The Bathroom And There Is No Toilet Paper, You Can Always Slide Down The Banisters. Don't Tell Me You Haven't Done It.

I'm Always Amazed To Hear Of Air Crash Victims So Badly Mutilated That They Have To Be Identified By Their Dental Records. What I Can't Understand Is, If They Don't Know Who You Are, How Do They Know Who Your Dentist Is?