It Seems Like A Contradiction, But The

When I Used To Do The Edinburgh Festival, There Was A Bunch Of Guys Selling Fresh Oysters And I'd Eat Ten Daily - Marvellous.

I Looked At Longevity In Show Business When I Was About 13, And The People Who Seemed To Have Longevity Were The Ones Who'd Spent Quite A Bit Of Time Learning About What They Were Doing Before They Made It.

If You Became A Comedian In The '80s, You Had To Work The Circuit And Make People Laugh. Canned Laughter Is Cheating.

When I Turned About 12 Or 13, I Realised That Being Funny Wasn't About Remembering Jokes. It Was About Creating Them.

At One Point In The Mid-eighties I Shared A Promoter With The Smiths. One Night, We Were Sitting Backstage When Morrissey Burst In, Utterly Distraught, Sobbing His Heart Out. Turns Out Someone Had Thrown A Sausage At Him On Stage During 'meat Is Murder.'