Half The World's Starving; The Other Half

I Always Was A Writer, But Then I Wanted To Do Stand-up Because I Thought That Was A Way That I Could Perform What I Wrote.

Patriarchy Is Impotent And Qualitatively Unable To Solve Even The Most Simple Problems In The Cosmos Such As Picking Up Their Own Socks Or Placing A Carton Of Milk Back In The Refrigerator After Drinking From It.

Birth Control That Really Works - Every Night Before We Go To Bed We Spend An Hour With Our Kids.

I Got, Like, Diane Keaton's Manager, And She Was Very Connected; She Had Power. And She Was Like, "your Star Is In Tears On This Comedy. Do You Even Notice That At All?"

My Husband Says, 'god, Roseanne, I Can't Remember The Last Time We Had Sex.' Well, I Can, And That Is Why We Ain't Doing It.