Everything I've Ever Told You, Including This,

Life Is A Matter Of Passing The Time Enjoyably. There May Be Other Things In Life, But I've Been Too Busy Passing My Time Enjoyably To Think Very Deeply About Them.

Playing Rugby At School I Once Fell On A Loose Ball And, Through Ignorance And Fear, Held On Despite A Fierce Pummelling. After That It Took Me Months To Convince My Team-mates I Was A Coward.

I've Had Some Wonderful Ideas For Getting The Dominating Going. I've Got Some Extremely Subtle Advertising Slogans That Should Get The Public Behind Us. Things Like "vote For El Wisty And Lovely Nude Ladies Will Come And Dance With You." It's A Complete Lie, Of Course, But You Can't Afford To Be Too Scrupulous If You're Going To Dominate The World.

I Have Learned From My Mistakes, And I Am Sure I Can Repeat Them Exactly

I Saw An Advertisement The Other Day For The Secret Of Life. It Said "the Secret Of Life Can Be Yours For Twenty-five Shillings. Sent To Secret Of Life Institute, Willesden." So I Wrote Away, Seemed A Good Bargain, Secret Of Life, Twenty-five Shillings. And I Got A Letter Back Saying, "if You Think You Can Get The Secret Of Life For Twenty-five Shillings, You Don't Deserve To Have It. Send Fifty Shillings For The Secret Of Life."