Everyone I Love I Pay.

A Good Way To Keep Your Relationship Together Is Not To Scream In Terror When You See Your Partner Naked.

Just Went To A Lovely Catholic Wedding. I Need A Drink. They Didn't Even Offer Us Water. Well They Did, But It Was Holy Water.

As Time Goes On, The More I Value Doctors And Plumbers. Doctors A Little More. I Can Fix My Own Toilet But I Still Can't Operate On Myself.

If You're Hanging Out With Two Negative People, Do They Equal One Positive Person?

I Think Comedy Is On An Organic Upsurge Right Now Because When I Started, It Was 1978 At The Comedy Store And Letterman Had Just Stopped Emceeing His Morning Show.