Every Time I See Dan Quayle I

Charlie Chaplin Is The Greatest Artist Of The 20th Century. He Takes Me From Laughter To Tears In Seconds. And He Was One Of The Very First Funny Men. It's Like The Original Violins Were Made In Cremona And There's Never Been Any Better Since. Sometimes The Best Come Right Off The Bat.

My Parents Were Very Protective. I Couldn't Even Cross The Street Without Them Getting All Excited, And Placing Bets.

Women: You Can't Live With Them, And You Can't Get Them To Dress Up In A Skimpy Little Nazi Costume And Beat You With A Warm Squash Or Something.

I Was At A Bar Nursing A Beer. My Nipple Was Getting Quite Soggy.

I Once Heard Two Ladies Going On And On About The Pains Of Childbirth And How Men Don't Seem To Know What Real Pain Is. I Asked If Either Of Them Ever Got Themselves Caught In A Zipper.