When I Was Ten, My Family Moved

I Don't Really Hang Out With People. I Like To Be By Myself. In Fact, I've Been Arrested A Few Times Because I Like To Walk Around At Two Or Three In The Morning, Looking At Shop Windows. The Cops Take Me To The Station And Fingerprint Me. But I Wouldn't Call That Hanging Out.

In Our School You Were Searched For Guns And Knifes On The Way In And If You Didn't Have Any, They Gave You Some.

Once I Posed Nude For A Magazine. I've Never Been Back To That Newstand.

Writing Jokes For Others Is Like Having Babies For Someone Else. It's Sad. Like The Woman Who Gives Up Her Baby But Needs To Be Close So She Secretly Becomes The Maid In The Household.

I Love My Family. I Came Home The Other Days. My Brother's Passed-out On The Couch, Holding An Empty Bottle Of Sleeping Pills. So I Called The Paramedics, And They Pumped His Stomach, And I Think He's Learned His Lesson: You Know, Never To Take My Last Two Sleeping Pills.