Every Time I Go Near The Stove,

I Got My First Laugh When My Mother Entered Me In A Baby Contest.

In Most States You Can Get A Driver's License When You're Sixteen Years Old, Which Made A Lot Of Sense To Me When I Was Sixteen Years Old But Now Seems Insane.

When Buying A New House ... Buy The House Far Enough Away From School So Your Kids Can't Come Home For Lunch.

Isn't My Fur Stole Pitiful? How Unsuccessful Can A Girl Look? People Think I'm Wearing Anchovies. The Worst Of It Is, I Trapped These Under My Own Sink.

I'm Eighteen Years Behind In My Ironing.