Every Time I Go And Shave, I

A Friend Gave Me A Drug For Attention Deficit Disorder, Because He's Afflicted, But I'm Not. So What Happened To Me Is I Suddenly Had An Extra-long Attention Span. People Would Tell Me A Story, And It Would End, And I'd Get All Mad. "come On, Man, There Has To Be More To That Story."

I Had A Job Interview At An Insurance Company Once, And The Lady Said 'where Do You See Yourself In Five Years?' I Said, 'celebrating The Fifth Year Anniversary Of You Asking Me This Question!'

That's Always Disappointed Me, To See A Guy In The Crowd Who Doesn't Look Like He's Having Fun But In General If You Just Listen To The Crowd It Sounds Like They're Having Fun. So I Don't Want To Focus On The One Guy Who's Not Having Fun. And By Closing My Eyes And Just Listening, I Can't Hear That He's Not Laughing But I Can See That He's Not Laughing.

I Tried To Have A Cookie, And This Girl Said, "i'm Mailing Those Cookies To My Friend." So I Couldn't Have One. You Shouldn't Make Cookies Untouchable.

I Have A "do Not Disturb" Sign On My Hotel Door. It's Time To Go To "don't Disturb". It's Been "do Not" For Too Long. We Should Embrace The Contraction.