Ever Since I Was Little It Was

I Like To Drop In On People Who Picked On Me In High School Or Whatever, Just Out Of The Blue, And Chat With Them To See How They Think Of Me Now That I'm A Big Star. Usually They're A Lot Nicer. After About Half An Hour, I Excuse Myself To Go To The Bathroom, And Leave A Few Dvds Or Pictures There. Then When I Come Out, I Say Good-bye And Leave. Then I Call The Cops.

I've Never Had Much Sympathy For Orphans, I Mean, When I Was Their Age I Would Have Killed To Have No Parents To Make Me Clean My Room And Stuff

You Know, I Think There Should Be A Zach Braff Day. We Could Have It On December 25th And Then People Can Decide Whether They Want To Celebrate Me Or Jesus. If You Ask Me, The Choice Is Pretty Obvious.

I'm Grown Ass Man And Grown Ass Men Can Do Whatever They Want, Got It?

The Greatest Charity You Can Contribute To Is Yourself. Instead Of Spending A Dollar To Help Feed Hungry Children, Why Not Spend That Dollar On Hair Gel So You Can Get The Perfect Cowlick?