Ever Notice That Soup For One Is

It Doesn't Bother Me That I'm Not A Household Word On The East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm So Popular In These Cities Where You've Never Imagined An East Coast Comedian Working.

Calgary Wins For My Coldest New Year's Eve Gig. That's When I Learned Fahrenheit And Celsius Cross At 40 Below. I Could See Callers' Breath Coming Out Of My Phone.

I'm Just A Person Trapped Inside A Woman's Body.

Wouldn’t It Be Great To See A Line In All Movie Credits That Truthfully Says, “nobody Was Harmed In The Making Of This Film, And At The Cast Party, All Animals Got A Belly Belly Belly Rub”.

I Am Thankful The Most Important Key In History Was Invented. It's Not The Key To Your House, Your Car, Your Boat, Your Safety Deposit Box, Your Bike Lock Or Your Private Community. It's The Key To Order, Sanity, And Peace Of Mind. The Key Is 'delete.'