Etiquette-a Fancy Word For Simple Kindness.

[on The British Museum:] It Was Manifestly Impossible To Read All The Books In That Huge, Gloomy Structure, But I Made A Good Try And Accumulated A Fund Of Useless Information Guaranteed To Cast A Pall Over Any Dinner Table.

Fight Fire With Fire. If You Must Have Bores, Always Put Them Together Or At The Same Table ... Bores Have An Effervescent Chemical Reaction On One Another At A Party. They Invariably Have A Marvelous Time Trading Banalities In The Absence Of Competition. Clichés Roll Trippingly Off The Tongue Like Sparkling Epigrams And Trite Observations Acquire Depth Sinking Into Receptive Minds.

Most Rich People Are The Poorest People I Know.

The Cocktail Party Is Easily The Worst Invention Since Castor Oil

Don't Try For Wit. Settle For Humor. You'll Last Longer.