Envy, Like A False Mirror, Distorts The

I'm Not Original, But I Strive Toward It As Much As Possible. I Tried Really Hard On Weekend Update To Do Something That I Considered Original, Which Was, I Tried To Cut All Cleverness Out Of The Joke.

Laws, However Divine In Origin And Institution, Would Be Found Of Little Coercion Among Men, Were The Administration Of Them Not Committed To Mortals.

I've Shown People Richard Pryor Who've Never Seen Him, And Most Of Them Don't Like Him.

My Dad Died, And My Grandfather Died, And My Great-grandfather Died. And The Guy Before Him, I Don't Know. Probably Died.

They're Like ''you're An Alcoholic.'' I Go ''no, I'm Not.'' And Then-apparently That's What Alcoholics Say Too, You Know?