Emotional Affairs, Those Are The Only Real

I Have Four Jackets, Five Pants, Whatever, That Are All The Same. If You See U2 In Concert, They Wear The Same Thing Every Night. They Just Got A Bunch Of Them. Albert Einstein Used To Wear Brown Suits Every Day. Why Waste Brainpower On Something That Is Trivial?

Never Go To Clubs With Metal Detectors. Sure It Feels Safe Inside. But What About All Those Niggas Waiting Outside With Guns? They Know You Ain't Got One.

When You've Been On A Ghetto Diet Your Entire Life, You're Just Happy To Get A Large Soda Instead Of A Medium.

When You're Doing A Big-budget Movie And You're Four On The Call Sheet, You've Got A Lot Of Free Time.

There's Always A Moment In Any Stand-up Show I Do Where People Are Booing. They Kinda Boo A Premise. And Then I Bail Myself Out With A Joke. But It's Like Trying To Do Movies Where There's A Dramatic Undertone.