Don't Talk To Strangers. Sure, Unless You

I Care About Politics, But I Have A Tough Time Making Comedy Out Of It. I Was So Happy To Have A Chance To Be On The Daily Show, And I Think Jon Stewart's So Funny... But Mostly In My Own Comedy, I Care About Less Relevant Things.

I Think It Would Be Cool If You Were Writing A Ransom Note On Your Computer, If The Paper Clip Popped Up And Said, 'looks Like You're Writing A Ransom Note. Need Help? You Should Use More Forceful Language, You'll Get More Money.'

Nothing Wise Was Ever Printed Upon An Apron.

The Other Night I Was Playing Twister With Some Amputees.

Why Are There Not Positive Mysteries? It's Always Who Stole The Diamond, Or Who Killed The Butler? How About... Who Made Cookies, Somebody Cleaned My Room.