I Wanna Put Stickers On Turtles... I

It Would Be Interesting If Elvis Were Reincarnated As An Elvis Impersonator.

I Call It 'new Forms'. When You're Starting Out, They Ask You To Do Four Or Five Minute Sets, But Once You're A Headliner, You Do Like 90 Minutes. I Try To Think Of Different Things To Divvy Up The Show, Like Doing Drawings, Playing Music... I Gotta Carry The Show, That's The Problem.

There's A Saying That Goes, 'people Who Live In Glass Houses Shouldn't Throw Stones.' Ok. How About, 'nobody Should Throw Stones'? That's Crappy Behavior. My Policy Is, 'no Stone Throwing Regardless Of Housing Situation.

After Going Through Years Of Litigation To Get Royalties Due To Him, The Guy Who Coined The Term 'happily Ever After' Lived Reasonably Well For A While.

Skiing Is My Favorite Sport, Because, That's The Only Sport That Is Actually Better To Watch The Worst The Person Is At It. "that Guy Won A Gold Medal In The Olympics" "oh Yeah, That's Cool, I Wanna Watch The Fat Guy" "come On Dude, You Can Take That Hill"