Donald Trump Says That He Will Not

Border Agents Have Now Been Issued Air Guns That Shoot Pepper Balls At People Coming Across The Mexican Border. Have They Thought This Through? Is That Going To Bother People From Mexico? Pepper Balls? Don't These People Eat Jalapenos? Isn't That Like Firing Meatballs At An Italian Guy?

According To Kim Jong-il's Biography, They Say He Has Been Constantly Accused Of Dishonesty, Drunkenness And Sexual Excess. So If He Lived Here, He Could Be In Congress.

The Best Way To Ruin A Comedy Is To Throw A Lot Of Money At It.

We Had President Obama On The Show Last Night. I Think The President Enjoys Visiting Nbc Because We're The Only Place That Has Lower Numbers Than He Does.

The Economy Is So Bad That Bedbugs Are Now Infesting Sleeping Bags And Tents, Because They Can't Afford To Stay In Hotels Anymore.