Cry When You Get A Golden Globe.

I'm In The Unfortunate Position Of Having To Consider Other People's Feelings

I Will Never Understand Why They Cook On Tv. I Can't Smell It. Can't Eat It. Can't Taste It. The End Of The Show They Hold It Up To The Camera, 'well, Here It Is. You Can't Have Any. Thanks For Watching. Goodbye.'

Men Don't Care What's On Tv. They Only Care What Else Is On Tv.

Sometimes The Road Less Traveled Is Less Traveled For A Reason.

If Aliens Are Watching Us Through Telescopes, They're Going To Think The Dogs Are The Leaders Of The Planet. If You See Two Life Forms, One Of Them's Making A Poop, The Other One's Carrying It For Him, Who Would You Assume Is In Charge?