Comedy Is A Blood Sport. It Flays

To Listen To Your Own Silence Is The Key To Comedy.

Guys Wake Up At Your Place And They Expect Breakfast. They Don't Eat Bagels And M&m's In The Morning. They Want Things Like Toast. I Say, 'i Don't Have These Recipes.'

My Fashion Philosophy Is, If You're Not Covered In Dog Hair, Your Life Is Empty.

There's Only One Difference Between Jews And Catholics. Jews Are Born With Guilt, And Catholics Have To Go To School To Learn It.

When I Played The Sahara Hotel In Las Vegas On New Year's Eve, I Got To Bring Wiley, My 85-pound Black Lab. He's Responsible For My Favorite New Year's Memory Of All: At The End Of The Show, He Ran Onstage And Then Out Across All The Tables In The Showroom, Sending Champagne Glasses And Gamblers Flying.