Pigs Are Smarter Than Dogs, And Both

The Vatican Is Against Surrogate Mothers. Good Thing They Didn't Have That Rule When Jesus Was Born.

I Love My Parents And They're Wonderful People, But They Were Strict, And I Still Look For Ways To Get Even. When I Got My Own Apartment For The Very First Time And They Came To Stay With Me For The Weekend, I Made Them Stay In Separate Bedrooms.

You Never See A Man Walking Down The Street With A Woman Who Has A Little Potbelly And A Bald Spot.

I'd Much Rather See Richard Pryor Or Jackie Mason In A Theater Than In A Club.

Calgary Wins For My Coldest New Year's Eve Gig. That's When I Learned Fahrenheit And Celsius Cross At 40 Below. I Could See Callers' Breath Coming Out Of My Phone.