Come On 'long Prosperous Life!'

I Like To Hold The Microphone Cord Like This, I Pinch It Together, Then I Let It Go, Then You Hear A Whole Bunch Of Jokes At Once.

I Miss The $2 Bill, 'cause I Can Break A Two. $20, No. $10, No. $5, Maybe, $2? Oh Yeah. What Do You Need, A One And Another One?

I've Got A Wallet, It's Orange. In Case I Wanna Buy A Deer. That Doesn't Make Any Sense At All.

2-in-1 Is A Stupid Term, Because 1 Is Not Big Enough To Hold 2. That's Why 2 Was Created.

Has Anyone Seen Me On Letterman? Two Million People Watch That Show And I Don't Know Where They Are. You Might Have Seen This Next Comedian On The Late Show, But I Think More People Have Seen Me At The Store. That Should Be My Introduction. "you Might Have Seen This Next Comedian At The Store," And People Would Say "hell Yes I Have!"