By The Power Of Steven Wright's Beard!

Tomorrow Is Your Future's Yesterday.

I Found The Prospect Daunting, But Somehow Comforting, Too, Because The Counselors Insisted It Could Be Done, And, After All, Many Of Them Were Recovering Alcoholics Themselves.

I'm A Vulgar Lounge Entertainer, I Don't Need To Wear A Tie.

The Devil Is Not Abroad At Night In The Form Of A Cat Or A Wolf Or Any Other Animal. He Lives Eternally In The Hearts Of Men.

An 83-year-old Male Prostitute Was Arrested. Police Say He Only Charged $20 An Hour, But For Most Of That Time, He Just Talked About His Grandkids.