By The Power Of Steven Wright's Beard!

I Don't Think Of Myself Of A Late-show Host Any More Than I Think Of Myself Of A Game-show Host. I Mean, I've Done Both, I've Been An Actor. I'm Just Kind Of A Carny, That's It.

Occasionally, When I Lived In London, I Would Have Sex With A Girl From An Aristocratic Family. I Always Enjoyed Doing To Them What Their Ancestors Did To My Country.

I Think That Clearly It Has An Influence, To Be Coming Of Age During The Punk Rock Era, To Come From A Difficult And Sporadically Violent Background, To Have Been In And Out Of Such Chaos, I Think It Actually Helps. But I Don't Know For Sure.

Andy Warhol Said That In The Future Everyone Will Be Famous For 15 Minutes. Facebook Is Exactly Like That Except You're Not Really Famous And Your 15 Minutes Goes On Forever.

I Don’t Think There’s Anything Wrong With Telling The Truth. I Know It Isn’t Fashionable.