By The Power Of Steven Wright's Beard!

The Queen Banishes Snow White Because Of Her Beauty. But The Dwarves Help Snow White Because They're Smitten By That Very Beauty. It Teaches Kids An Important Lesson: Nothing Matters Except For Your Looks.

Climate Change Is A Serious Problem. We All Need To Do What We Can. Unless That Means I've Got To Change Stuff. Then I'm Not Doing It.

You Know When You're A Kid And You Think, 'oh No, I've Got Double Math, This Is Never Gonna End,' But Then It Ends, And It's Like It Never Happened? That's Like Life.

I Became A Terrible Drunk Or Alcoholic - Or A Good One Depending On Your Point Of View.

Congratulations To The Nba Champion Boston Celtics - They Beat The Los Angeles Lakers By 39 Points. Or As Hillary Clinton Would Say, "too Close To Call.