A Junkie Will Steal Your Purse, And

Strange Star-like Object Over Oslo Right Before Obama Arrives. A Gift Of A Golden Medal Given By A Group Of Wise Men... Nah.

North Korea Announced That They Have Nuclear Weapons And They Have No Plans To Give Them Up. The White House, Acting Quickly, Announced Their Plan To Invade Iran.

Justin Bieber's Tour Bus Was Stopped By Canadian Border Patrol Agents. And They Found Marijuana. The Agents Said Bieber Was A Disgrace To Canada And Should Never Come Back. Then They Found The Marijuana.

I Remember Talking To Someone Early On After I Was Sober About How I Suddenly Felt Awkward At Parties. They Said, 'well, You're Supposed To. Everyone Feels Awkward At Parties.' It's An Appropriate Feeling To Feel.

A Junkie Will Steal Your Purse, And Then Help You Look For It.