A Junkie Will Steal Your Purse, And

There Is A New Survey Out About The Happiest Professions. I Think The Whole Premise Is Flawed. You're Supposed To Find True Happiness Outside Of Work. From Friends, Family, And Youtube Videos Of Old People Falling Down.

Insiders Say Obama's Pretty Comfortable Around Actors. He Should Be. He Has Been 'acting' Like He Was Born In Hawaii For A Long Time.

Now That Healthcare Is Guaranteed, I'm Frying Everything I Eat. Fried Food And Cigarettes.

Equestrian And Sailing Are Sports For People Growing Up On The Mean Streets Of Connecticut.

I Don't Like The Whole Blowing The Candles Out Ritual... Blowing Their Germs All Over The Cake. If I Want To Catch Something On My Birthday. I Don't Want It To Be From The Cake. If You Know What I'm Saying.