By Far The Most Common Craving Of

I Was The World's Ugliest Baby. I Have Photos Of My Folks Leaving The Hospital With Sacks Over Their Heads... I Asked My Mother How To Turn Off The Electric Fan. She Said 'grab The Blade!

Isn't My Fur Stole Pitiful? How Unsuccessful Can A Girl Look? People Think I'm Wearing Anchovies. The Worst Of It Is, I Trapped These Under My Own Sink.

You Want To Look Younger... Rent Smaller Children.

The Only Time I Ever Enjoyed Ironing Was The Day I Accidentally Got Gin In The Steam Iron.

Your Husband Drinks Too Much If He Says He Never Drinks Alone, But Considers The Goldfish Somebody.