But Champagne Is Not Drinking.

This Is A Terrible Confession To Make, But After I Left The Army I Had A Number Of Things To Try. I Had A Great Conceit To Think That If All Else Failed I Could Always Go To Hollywood. So When All Else Did Fail I Really Went To Hollywood. And Then I Found Out How Wrong I Was.

Old Age Has Got To Start Creeping Up On Me One Day Soon, And Frankly I'm Very Scared. I Don't Want To Be Old. I've Always Felt So Young. And I Want To Stay That Way.

I Have A Face That Is A Cross Between Two Pounds Of Halibut And An Explosion In An Old Clothes Closet.

I've Been Lucky Enough To Win An Oscar, Write A Best-seller - My Other Dream Would Be To Have A Painting In The Louvre. The Only Way That's Going To Happen Is If I Paint A Dirty One On The Wall Of The Gentlemen's Lavatory.

I've Taken Up The Bible Again, Somewhat In The Spirit Of W.c. Fields - Looking For Loopholes.